Reflection: Homesickness

I have had the privilege of travelling to many places, but I think the only time I’ve diagnosed myself as “homesick” was after I discovered that this was how other kids got to ride in golf cart at Camp Daggett. Until now. After four months in Mali, I must admit that I have recently come down with this very curious illness known as “homesickness,” which develops when people feel they could be valued more “at home” than where they are. In brief, its a form of discontentment, where the desired alternative is familiarity and what-once-was.

So what about this month has made us discontent? Here’s a quick list.

• INITAL ENTHUSIASM HAS WEENED, as we have become more accustomed to the everyday realities of site. This applies to villagers as well, as we have seen that occasionally they can be frustrated or crabby, just like us. On one hand, seeing people’s real emotions is necessary for integration, but even so, we were hoping the honeymoon period would last a bit longer (but then again, so was Obama).
• OUR LANGUAGE IS STILL STRUGGLING, so that we are adults trapped in the vocabulary of a small child. This means we are unconsciously left out of conversations and have to spoken to in a paternalistic manner that few have been able to do without sounding degrading. We are also asked “y’a faamu?” (understand?) at least 50 times a day.
• ITS BEEN CRAZY HOT; three hours everyday it approaches 100 degrees. Not only does this heat make you uncontrollably lazy, but it also makes you miss the crisp air and cool apple cider of a Michigan autumn. Moreover, it lingers at night and makes it work to sleep.
• WE HAVE HAD LITTLE TO DO, because we can’t start projects yet and, this month, our villagers have spent every cotton-pickin’ minute picking cotton. We would help, but we’ve been told our hands are too soft, which I didn’t believe until I saw the calluses and the sores. We have started some smaller projects though (see other posts), and this has helped.

Upon reflecting on this list, I find that the biggest contributor to our nostalgic condition is not that Mali has been “mean” to us. Rather, the culprit is that, this month, we have been isolated with a lot of time on our hands. We have used this to read books and reflect on the future, but it has also given us the opportunity to reminisce times-gone-by and idealize luxuries we had in America. Here’s the run-down on what we have missed most:

• FOOD: At least in our discussions, this is #1 (sorry loved ones).  We have sudden cravings from random foods every hour, including those we didn’t even buy in the States! For example, I dreamed last week of eating a spicy chicken sandwich at McDonald’s, even though 1) the spicy chicken sandwich comes from Wendy’s, and 2) I hate the Golden Arches. But mainly we fantasize about refrigerated beverages (7-11 Slurpees), overly processed snack foods (Sun Chips & Doritos) , and our favorite mom-cooked meals.
• PEOPLE: What makes us miss people so much is that communication abilities are so limited. One day, many of you were a major part of our lives, and then all at once, we got cut off, and we no longer get daily updates of how your lives are progressing.
• PLACES: Our time spent growing-up, at college, and during our first year of marriage were blessed and wonderful times, and so its easy to long for Harbor Springs, Trenton, Alma, and East Lansing and the restaurants, stores, and public venues that made them great.

We rarely miss just one thing at a time. Typically, our homesickness is reinforced by memories, which incorporate an integrated mix of various things in these categories (including many of you readers). So many of our conversations start with “Hey, remember that time…,” and end with “Yeah, that was great…” and then a donkey brays, the breeze stops, or a fly lands on your face, and we are brought back to a less amusing reality.

However, we are in no way are considering calling it quits. That would be like dropping out of college after a stressful week of homework. “Suck it up, nancy,” I remind myself in my dad’s voice. “You’re the one who wanted to do this.” Homesickness is not a deal-breaker, but rather a problem in need of a solution. So, after some reflection, I have come up with three truths that will help us overcome this bought of nostalgia.

• THIS WAS EXPECTED, even before we came to Mali. In fact, Peace Corps has already spent hours talking to us about mental health, and how these first few months at site are characterized by homesickness by almost all volunteers. What we are experiencing is normal, and its departure will come with time and further integration in our village.
• OUR MEMORIES ARE ONE-SIDED, and tend to over-exaggerate the realities of life back home. For example, I wrote to my brother about how he’s lucky to still be at Alma College, and he swiftly replied that he would rather put aside the studies in order to start a garden and riding his bike everyday. Funny, when I wrote to him I had forgotten about the stiff necks and sore hands caused by hours of draining studying; I had only remembered the good times. When you’re discontented, the grass is always greener yonder.
• WE ARE NOT ALONE, and on the contrary, have a huge support network. This includes fellow Peace Corps volunteers, friends and family, and blog readers like yourself (though many of you may fit into the former categories). More importantly, we also have each other, a truth that I am genuinely thankful for every hour of every day. And most important, we have God, who has even put a little church in our village for us to attend.

So, to end a lengthy reflection: Yes, we have been homesick, but we shall persevere. And we thank you to all of those who have already helped us by listening to us vent, praying for our village, and writing comments, emails, letters updating us on your lives. Some of you have even sent packages – shipping parts of America to Mali – and these are greatly appreciated.

Again, thank you so much for all your love and continual support. Have a blessed week.

~James (and Joye) Allen

P.S. Here is an example of how homesick we are. This actually happened to Joye last week…